Salutations (Baldur's Gate pronunciation)
Because I am not able to write about the things I have on my mind, you'll have to make do with reading about the things that ought to be on my mind.
Like my confused daily routine (=the lack of any) and the following lack of sleep. Well OK, 4 hours isn't that little, and surely you can take some nights with only 2 without any problems, eh..
Or the exams I've got next week - the real thing for the phonology&morphology exercise course, the grammar exam for Introductory Sumerian and the intermediate exam for my spanish basics... I haven't even had a look at the books for spanish, phonology or morphology, and although I've read the stuff for sumerian, I need tons of practice for that. And I've missed half the spanish lectures (for many reasons, some of them good, like not having had the book which really was needed to get much out of most of the lectures). Well, I'll manage, or even should I not - what is done is done.
Then there of course is the ongoing, insignificant little inconvenience of having no money (as in 0 euros)- no big deal for me, most of the time, only the rest of the world doesn't see it like that :P.
The problem is, sometimes I just don't care. I guess I'm just hoping that if I keep building up this awkward construction of barely solved problems (most of which, with a little more effort or a swifter reaction, would have been solved better, or often avoided altogether), someday I'll push it too far and everything will come crashing down. Sounds crazy, does it? Well, I see it this way: in a situation where I can't solve any problems, I don't have to solve any. Then I can just let things go by their own weight and have a decent night's sleep. I don't feel like I'm really able to cope, so why should I even try? It's just that those bastards, self-esteem, curiosity, others' expectations, my own dreams, and the like keep whipping and urging me on and on and on...
Like my confused daily routine (=the lack of any) and the following lack of sleep. Well OK, 4 hours isn't that little, and surely you can take some nights with only 2 without any problems, eh..
Or the exams I've got next week - the real thing for the phonology&morphology exercise course, the grammar exam for Introductory Sumerian and the intermediate exam for my spanish basics... I haven't even had a look at the books for spanish, phonology or morphology, and although I've read the stuff for sumerian, I need tons of practice for that. And I've missed half the spanish lectures (for many reasons, some of them good, like not having had the book which really was needed to get much out of most of the lectures). Well, I'll manage, or even should I not - what is done is done.
Then there of course is the ongoing, insignificant little inconvenience of having no money (as in 0 euros)- no big deal for me, most of the time, only the rest of the world doesn't see it like that :P.
The problem is, sometimes I just don't care. I guess I'm just hoping that if I keep building up this awkward construction of barely solved problems (most of which, with a little more effort or a swifter reaction, would have been solved better, or often avoided altogether), someday I'll push it too far and everything will come crashing down. Sounds crazy, does it? Well, I see it this way: in a situation where I can't solve any problems, I don't have to solve any. Then I can just let things go by their own weight and have a decent night's sleep. I don't feel like I'm really able to cope, so why should I even try? It's just that those bastards, self-esteem, curiosity, others' expectations, my own dreams, and the like keep whipping and urging me on and on and on...
posted by Stephu | 01:51
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